George Forss called me this morning promptly at 8:30, when we always talk, I could tell he was excited. He bought a computer yesterday, online from newegg.com. I had sent him a link to the computer yesterday afternoon, I had a hunch it was precisely what he was looking for. George’s Kickstarter project for his next book “The Way We Were” has been funded at more than $11,500 and an anonymous donor sent him a check earlier this week for $8,200, his funding goal for his project, publishing the wonderful photographs he took of the New York landscape before 911.

I have been pressuring George to buy a new computer, something he is very uncomfortable doing. George has never purchased anything retail in his life, and he does not remotely grasp the notion that he is entitled to anything. He has no qualms spending $8,000 to publish a book of his photographs, but he will not go into a store and buy himself a shirt, let alone a new computer. George scavenges for things or receives them as gifts or patches them together out of garbage cans, he does not buy them new.

George and I are close friends, I don’t ever want to pressure him or think I know what he ought to be doing with his life or his money. I have learned some hard lessons about boundaries, and i have great reverence for them. Still, I’ve seen the relic George uses to try and get on the Internet, work on his blog, store his photographs, and I have been leaning on him to buy a computer. Get what you want, I said, dropping the names of several wonderful Apple computers that cost between $2,000 and $3,000. George is a photographic geek, and like computer geeks, he doesn’t like things he can’t take apart and re-arrange, I could tell he wasn’t happy with my recommendations and didn’t think he was entitled to a shiny new computer. I didn’t want to push him, but i saw this as a struggle for his soul, he is entitled to a good computer with some power and memory, he needs it.

Russell Davidson, a friend and co- administrator of the Open Group At Bedlam Farm, a Facebook community of creatives, sent me a message yesterday with a link to newegg.com. “Dual monitor support, lots of speed and only $500,” Russell, a geek himself, reported. I sent it along to George, who spent a couple of hours at Staples yesterday looking at the computers they had for sale.

“Thanks for the link,” George said this morning. “I know that computer, I used it 20 years ago, and this is a big upgrade.” He knew the second he looked at it that this was the computer for him, he said. He loved the price too, $570 including shipping. He is not buying a new monitor, he is using the old one he got out of a New York City trash can. He asked me what I thought. Great choice, I said, congratulations, you deserve it.

And thank you Russell. You saved George a couple of thousand dollars and you saved me from pushing my own values any farther onto a fierce individualist. I am thrilled that George was able to buy a new computer, happy that he is so comfortable with it. He will do well with it and put it good use. George and I are close buddies, he is, in many ways, my best friend. I don’t want to feel responsible for him or feel that he can’t make his own decisions or use his wonderful and richly-deserved windfall well. He is his own man, on his own way.  He knows what he is doing, and I have learned much more from him than he has from me.

The Kickstarter and donor money have given George a wonderful second chance. I was glad to help him a bit, but he does not need my help in doing his work, living his life, making his decisions. That is the boundary, I am happy with it. Now that he has his computer, we can just be friends again. We will always be around to help each other, but only when asked, only when needed.

I was chuckling all morning. I have never in my life bought a computer for $500, when I need a computer I get on the phone and call Apple and have one shipped to the house. It always works well, they always support it, and I have no idea how any of it really works.

George is like me in more ways than I might have  realized, but different in others, and I respect him so much for it. He never buys anything the way I do, he wants to know how everything works.  He has never had a lot of money, never wastes a penny, tht is part of who he is. If you ever see the camera equipment George works with, you would just shake your head. He makes most of it himself out of spare and junked parts, there is surely a lesson for all of us in that, and the most beautiful photographs come out, much more beautiful than me with my fancy Canon cameras and lenses.

And that, to me, is what a beautiful friendship is all about, support when necessary, acceptance and respect otherwise. Good luck with  your computer, George, nobody deserves it more than you.