A writer I know wrote recently that she would rather be scared of her perfect life than comfortable in her old one and I got to thinking about what it means to be safe in our world, and whether one needs to be frightened to have a meaningful life. We all have to decide for ourselves what a perfect life is and what a comfortable one is. I’ve gone back and forth several times in my life, been frightened and comfortable, and then comfortable and secure.

I think the hero journey is not about risk, really, but exploration. The mission is not to find the dangerous jungle we have to survive but a sense of who we really are, what we can learn, how we can grow.  You don’t have to live on a farm and walk around in the bitter cold to have a life of value, a woman I know in New Jersey works hard and devotes her life to loving her three children and raising them well, and her life is as meaningful as anyone I know. Her husband left the house in an alcoholic stupor and has not been heard from in five years and her life is so full of meaning and love. She is comfortable, she said, she has never felt more secure.

My friend is a hero in her own right, she is not scared, she is comfortable and safe, she has no desire to live on a farm with animals and haul firewood around. And good for her, I admire her greatly, sacrifice, independence and responsibility are noble things. When I ran to the mountain 15 years ago, I had no idea what I was looking for, had I know what lay ahead I might have fled back to my comfortable suburb with all its organic food, Thai restaurants and independent movie theaters, plowed roads and beautiful parks, something I have to travel to find.

I suppose we are all looking for safety, seeking meaning in a fragmented world. I think I was also looking for love. A therapist told me that every single thing I was saying about Rose and Lenore reflected what I really wanted from a human being – love and connection. When I told her Lenore was keeping love alive for me, “she said, yes, now you get it. That’s what you want. Go find it, but not just in a dog.”  And I did, that is where the hero journey led me, and Lenore is still here.

For me, love and connection are powerfully connected to safety, I think in a way they define safety. I learned early on that people with money were rarely happy or safe. I think I began to feel safe when I faced the truth about who I was, and who I wanted to be. When I realized that fear is a symptom, not a purpose, not a rational for life. I took my fear to therapists and counselors and separated it from the rest of my life. I was disconnected from the world, and as I learned how to connect, to be intimate, to be authentic, then fear no longer had any meaning for me. There is great safety and comfort in love – in sharing a life with a lover, a friend, a partner.

I can’t say that I am always comfortable – there are many challenges in my new life, creative, financial, personal, physical, as there are in every life. For me, safety is accepting them, acknowledging them, dealing with them. In truth, there is so much power, there is so much comfort, and here is another thing I learned on my journey:  truth squelches fear like a big bucket of water on a smoldering match.