At breakfast, my sister patiently creates her raw diet dishes for her dogs, while these gentle giants gather around her and wait patiently for their food. No one barks, pushes, growls, they simply sit in rapt fascination until she is done. My sisters home is organized for these big dogs, the furniture in most rooms is pushed to the sides, it is a house for dogs, not people or visitors.

There is much talk in the dog world about unconditional love, I think the idea of unconditional love – something we all crave and need – is one of the primary attractions of dogs for so many people in our disconnected society. Speaking for myself, I don’t care for the idea of unconditional love, either for people or dogs, I think it is projection of human need, not the reality of animals.

I don’t believe any true love is unconditional or should be. I think love is hard work and needs to be earned. I need to be loving, gentle, empathetic, supportive and encouraging to earn the love of my wife, those are big conditions. Dogs have great affection for people, it is one of their most important survival and adaptive techniques, the reason dogs get fed every and sleep in warm houses and raccoons don’t. Dogs also easily transfer their love, the millions of re-homed animals in America waste very little time in mourning or pining away, they figure out who is feeding them and they love them without many reservations.

This does not diminish the love for me, I have always believed adaptability is a trait in dogs I love very much. Unconditional love means we have no obligation to behave well or thoughtfully, or even humanely, so love without condition has little meaning for me and diminishes the great connection dogs have had for humans for thousands of years. The most powerful relationships in the human-animal bond spectrum come in my mind from people who open their emotions up to animals like dogs and connect with their extraordinary instincts. I always want to earn love, and I ask things of my dogs in exchange as well: that they enter my life, are safe around people and animals, respect my work and my home, listen to me when I ask them to do something like stop or lie down. Conditions everywhere.

My sister asks a great deal of these big lumbering and loving creatures – like sitting calmly while she prepares breakfast. In exchange they get constant love and attention food and space to run, toys and appealing and healthy food. Nothing unconditional there either.