It has been wonderful to help heal Minnie and to watch Maria bring her back from a place of pain and disorientation. In the evening, the two of them snuggle on the couch, they both love it, I love to see it, images like this suggest this should be Minnie’s permanent fate, Maria and I have become quite attached to her in the last couple of weeks.

The attack on Minnie and the resulting amputation of her right leg (we think it was a raccoon or possum by the wounds and the fact she is alive) has been challenging, fascinating, difficult. It is a metaphor, of course, it raises questions about life, money, perspective and compassion that go beyond the fate of a single barn cat. I have long ago learned that suffering is a gift, it always leaves lessons and feelings it’s wake, there are always things to learn, ways to grow, it always changes me.

One thing I am learning about is how to use the resources of this community for good, how to ask for advice, how to take it, this has always been a complex issue for me, I am making headway. First off, there is a vast difference between sought advance and unwanted advice. The first is better, wiser and more helpful. The second is most often intrusive and presumptuous. I do not give advice unless asked, and then, I don’t always give it then. Smart people often don’t need advice, fools will not take it.

Then, there is further sorting about advice. Even solicited advice can be patronizing:

– Some people lecture me about what cats are like as if I have not lived with cats and other animals for at least 15 years and beyond and written books about them. People tend to think there is only one solution to complex issues, never two or three. Advice often comes in black and white, yet our world is mostly gray.

– Some people assume that men are not as empathetic as women, and cannot really be trusted to make decisions. This is a kind of inverse and endemic sexism, I see it all the time. Many people say I should trust Maria, they are not sure they can trust me. There are many gender currents in our lives with animals, and surely in the Minnie decisions. Men  – fathers – tend to push the creatures in their care to go out and learn to live in the world, women are more cautious about the world and it’s dangers, more patient perhaps and more nurturing. In a sense, both are right. Children and animals must make their way in the world, they cannot be spared all of the dangers of life. It is wonderful if this can happen deliberately and with love and safety.

– The best advice is simply experiential and thoughtful, it comes from experience and common sense, it is not angry or dismissive or presumptive, and I have gotten a lot of good advice about Minnie and it has been helpful to me.

Minnie is precisely in this situation I described above – can she go out into the world or not –  and so are Maria and I, yet the gender assumptions should not be taken too far. Maria and I have not disagreed on one single thing regarding Minnie’s care. We both decided instantly against euthanizing here, we were both uncomfortable about the cost, we have both been going back and forth about when and how – or whether – Minnie should be returned to her life as a barn cat. I do not see either of us as being more knowledgeable or instinctive than the other, our perspectives are always heard and respected by one another. We change our minds often, as thinking people do. I respect Maria and her instincts, she respects mine.

Although we are, as always, pretty much on the same page, we differ only in degrees. The great percentage of people giving advice – I did ask for it and I do want it – have urged us not to let Minnie go back outside, they fear for her safety with three legs, they like to think of her as safe and cozy in Maria’s lap, as shown above, they do not care to think of her returned to the life of the barn cat. They cannot imagine that life being anything but cold and hard and dangerous.

I have to part company with that point of view, and so does Maria, although she can speak for herself. Minnie has never been a pet, it is not the life we wish for her, and unlike others, I have no idea what Minnie wants, although it is very clear she is struggling to get outside, she is never quite at ease in our house, it is not, in my view her natural or instinctive life. Humans always project their own notions of comfort and safety onto animals, I believe there would be no greater or more humane life for Minnie than to give her the freedom and natural life of a barn cat, which she is and has been all of her life.

I do not believe in a no-kill life for a barn cat, there are always risks in that life, there always have been and always will be, just as there are in nature, in the real life of real animals. Love is about many things, and the love of animals is not about what makes us feel good, but what is natural and instinctive for them. The two are often quite different. I can’t think of a more loving thing to do for Minnie than to let her return to her life.

The advice did change some of my thinking though, much of it was quite persuasive and helpful,   this transition does not have to be sudden or total. Tomorrow, we will let Minnie out in the morning, and although she might go and hide for a bit, she will show herself to us at feeding time and we will bring her in at night, for now, and for the foreseeable future. Perhaps that will be her permanent life, free to roam and hunt and hide in the daylight, free to come in at night. I think a three-legged creature deserves that, if she wants it.  I am comfortable with that, so is Maria, we will make that decision and leave some of it to Minnie.

So tomorrow, Minnie begins the first step in her return to life, she will go outside in the morning, come in during the afternoon or at night. I believe this is also the best way for her to learn how to use her three legs, how to learn to jump up and strengthen her remaining leg and muscles. She is not learning much inside, I can see that. When we let them, animals can teach us a lot about ourselves, and Minnie has been a very good teacher for me.

Learning means observing, learning also means listening. On the Internet, there is so much noise and advice it is often difficult to know what to listen to. I am learning how to do it.