Simon has been hired to go on cable news and offer commentary on the Shutdown Of Bedlam Farm. His show is going to be called “Who Are The Asses Now?” and he will  moderate, there will be a donkey on the “left” and a donkey on the “right” and they will argue with one another each week for a half an hour, resolve nothing, listen to no one and shout their positions in the angriest and most polarizing way. They will all get a lot of money for this and call it the news.

Simon is speaking out. He’s threatening to stage a filibuster in the pasture, “that way, everyone will pay attention to me,” he said, “it seems to be the way asses get known!”

“I had to do this to protection my position and donkey’s everywhere,” Simon said, “we used to be the only asses, now they are everywhere, they seem to be running things and taking over the country. The true asses need a show, we are losing our identity.” To hear Simon’s first commentary on Washington’s Shutdown (and ours) you can watch him on this video.