A strong women on one of the Bedlam Farm Open Groups has breast cancer and is writing about it with great power, beauty and strength, and the other night, she had a bad night and descended to a dark place. She asked herself, “what is strength? How do I spin back up?,” in a time of personal worry and concern,  in a country where it is easier to buy a machine gun than to vote, and a world filled with fear and anger and brutal images of violence and suffering. How does one stay grounded when our daily bread is murder, assault and assault rifles, slaughter and the butchering of innocents?

I understood this post, I have not had cancer, but have asked myself that same question in the middle of many dark nights, I have asked “What Is Strength? How Do I Find It? How Do I Spin Back Up?”

I suppose we all find out own way up or out. Or not. I wanted to tell this woman, who I do not know,  that strength is honesty and acceptance. To write about one’s cancer is a brave thing in and of itself, a healing thing. It connects us to the world, helps us to face the reality of our lives, reminds us we are not one thing, but connected to many things.  We spin back up by understanding that we are never alone in fear and suffering, every person in the world knows loss and pain, sorrow and fear. It comes to us all in different ways, on different feet, at different times. We lose our dogs, cats, mothers, fathers, friends, we see suffering and feel suffering. It is never far away.  But it it is never ours alone, it is the human experience, like life, like death.

I tell myself that every single person in the world suffers more than I do, this is my mantra, it keeps me humble and close to empathy.

I spin back by counting the things I love, the things I’ve done, the things I want to do. I spin back up by walking dogs, writing on the blog, taking a photo, encouraging a striving soul. I spin back up by loving others and letting them love me, by opening those gates of feeling. By loving my wife, a friend, a donkey, a photo. Sometimes I do it by meditating, and being alone with my soul, sometimes by laughing, sometimes by sitting outside and crying.

I am grateful for my life, good and bad, joyous and sad. I have lost too many things in my life to count, gained more than I could list. This is the dance, we are all in it, our partners are calling to us to come out onto the shiny floor and live our lives, every single day. I spin back by seeking grace, accepting the life the fates and fairies and angels have in store for me, by surrendering the idea that the show is mine to run.

Life, life, life, is far too sacred to ever end. Good night to you, good friend, dear friends, you are strength, you are spinning back up even as another night rises up to wrap you in its arms and whisper exciting things to your heart.