At the Open House and since, I’ve seen and read an outpouring of photos, essays, comments about Bedlam Farm, about “The Bedlam Farm Idea,” a phrase that is very new to me. I do not think of myself as part of an idea, as having spouted a movement, as having preached a philosophy of life. It would approach monomania for me to believe that. My path is winding and rocky, I am a sinner and wanderer in so many ways, I have grappled and grapple still with anger, fear, envy, judgement, waste and delusion. Still, when 700 people come to make their own personal pilgrimage to a place – and this place is so much more than me – to see me, Maria, her studio, the dogs and donkeys, the farm, I have to stop and reflect on what this idea is, what it is that draws them here, often more than once.

I feel too small and imperfect for it, perhaps too vulnerable, I did not know what to say to people who say I changed their lives or inspired them. A woman at the Open House pressed my hand, said I had changed her life, and she thanked me. A man he had read “Running To The Mountain,” and changed his life. A mother send me a message in the mail thanking me for encouraging her daughter, she said it had given her daughter a new way to look at the world. For all these messages, there are many that are not so kind, that are angry. People who dislike my books, some of my ideas, people who encountered my anger and intolerance. There are whole websites, chunks of the border collie world, people who call themselves animal lovers who dislike me loudly and continuously.  I am late to affirmation, late to encouragement, late to a grounded spiritual life, late to meditation, mindfulness, color, light and love.

But still, I have to be honest, there is a Bedlam Farm Idea, it has been in my head and heart, it is a part of the glue that binds Maria and me. It is the idea of encouragement. I was never encouraged in my life, I was starved for it, I always imagined Bedlam Farm being a place of encouragement, a creative light. I always imagined the barns full of artists and writers and painters, the first thing Maria and I did together when we met was stage an art show at Gardenworks called Art Harvest. It was the progenisis of the Pig Barn Art Gallery, of the Open Houses. She was the first human being ever to encourage me to take photos, I was the first person in her adult life to encourage her to practice her art.

My dreams have changed, I no longer believe it is brave to be foolhardy or wasteful, I no longer believe it is admirable to be delusional and selfish, I no longer believe life is only a matter of pursing one’s dreams, I do not believe the spiritual notion that we are perfect, that our lives are perfect, that our thoughts can always be positive and pure. I am profoundly and spectacularly imperfect, just as life is imperfect. Flaws are part of our humanity, our being, our souls. So is anger, fear, resentment. The challenge is to deal with them, acknowledge them, be mindful of them, not to deny them or hide from them.

But I have found that encouragement is one of the most powerful feelings and gifts, it can light fires, touch off sparks, offer the pushes and support so many people need. It touches people deeply, they are starved for it.  This, I think, is what draws people to the Bedlam Farm idea, to the Open Group, which we call the Ministry Of Encouragement. I think this might be the Bedlam Farm Idea.