Wednesday Vince Vecchione, a local ground wizard and excavator is coming to the farm to install a 20-foot pipe and lay down some gravel. The plan is for the stream to run through the pipe and for the gravel to provide a firm base for donkeys, people, sheep, tractors, trucks and excavators to come on over. Lulu collected all of the animals on the farm and walked away from our gate and new pasture while Maria looked menacingly at me about this minor fiasco – I insisted it was important to open up the new pasture to provide enough grass for the animals, and that was before it rained for five days straight and now there is a lot of grass around, and Lulu would rather eat it than plow through the stream).

I understand that donkeys are smarter than me, but I pride myself on my wilfulness and farm ingenuity. Donkeys’ have four strategic weaknesses – they are intensely curious, they are obsessively loyal to one another, they love brush and leaves, they always want to do what you don’t want them to do, and don’t want to do what you want them to do.

I will play on all of these weaknesses with Lulu. First, she will be curious about the tube and the digging. Secondly, she is aware that Simon and Fanny are chomping on tall grass and leaves, she will want to be with them if they keep going over and finally, if she thinks I don’t want her to go into the pasture, she will go in  in a flash. I’ve been through this with Lulu before, I know her weaknesses. My weaknesses? I show my emotions, I am impatient, I am not as smart as she is, even though I have the same feelings about doing what people want me to do.

Vince is coming at 9 a.m., I will be there with camera and video. The donkey has had her time. Now it is my time. We’ll see who’s an ass.