I woke up early this morning dreaming of Bedlam Farm, this other presence, other existence in our lives. We are quite settled in our new home, but of course we won’t be fully there until Bedlam Farm is sold. It has been almost 14 months since Bedlam Farm went on the market, and the experience has been humbling and fascinating. Everyone we knew – me too – believed Bedlam Farm would sell in a minute, there are so many people who read books about it, seemed to love it and the idea of it, so many people who came by to paint, love the view, admire the beautiful old farmhouse, the restored barns, the path in the woods, the meadows and hills.

One of your fans will buy it, there are so few beautiful barns left, it is such a perfect place for so many things. People will gobble it up. I always knew better. The whole idea of celebrity is overblown in our culture, unless you are a movie star, and writers are not movie stars. I saw where the economy was going, what it was doing to the real estate market up here. I always thought it would sell soon, in the Spring of 2013. We went through the phase of building altars, doing Feng Shui, hiding St. Joseph in the garden, all the things people do. But Bedlam Farm is not for everybody, there are not scores of people who want it, it would take just the right person at just the right time in their lives. It almost happened a couple of times. Bedlam Farm has always been a teacher to me, and it is still teaching me things. We are painting the outside in a couple of weeks, touching things up here and there.  We have lowered the price as far as we can. We have been successful in lowering the taxes on the farm and high-speed Internet is coming shortly. These are all good and new things to offer, things people asked about. We shall see.

In the last year, I struggled against the impulse to dislike the pushy, demanding people, and I worked to understand the very good people who wanted to change their lives but are understandably afraid. I saw lots of different people. Some just wanted a look at the place. Others wanted split-levels with central air, and heated garages. I learned not to be there when they came to look, it’s just too emotional for me. I learned to leave it to the  realtors. It is a wonderful place, someone will come soon to love it.

And we will find out soon enough if my instincts were correct about this Spring. I feel it strongly, that this is the time. The farm is now teaching me patience, humility and faith. To take responsibility for my life. To face the reality of it.  Big lessons, important ones. And strength. Owning two farms has been a trial in a lot of ways, a gift in a lot of other ways. I am learning to accept my life, it has its own reasons and rhythms. I am its servant, I will adapt. It has brought me far, it will take me farther.