We drove to Vermont tonight to have dinner with Carol Tunney, the shamanic healer who helped me connect with a childhood surgery that frightened me and perhaps caused my years of bedwetting and night fears. I had forgotten it. I told her I was a few minutes late because I stopped to take this photo of a barn in White Creek, N.Y. I couldn’t help it, I said, I saw the light hitting the barn and I had to stop, taking photos were such a spiritual and powerful experience for me. She said she was so glad I stopped to do that, it made the dinner all the more meaningful. That is the creative spirit, generous and selfless.

I told her there was a lens I wanted to buy, but this didn’t seem to be the right time. I want a new camera also, but cannot afford that right now. We are still maintaining the cost of two farms. The lens is expensive, but a lot cheaper.

She said she thought I should buy the lens, it was important to me and my work. She said I needed to believe that I would experience more abundance. She asked if I had ever used a pendulum and she pulled one out of her bag – I love being with Carol, she is so full of life and ideas, she is a MD who quit medicine to be a shamanic healer because she wanted to heal – and handed it to me. She told me to ask the pendulum to show me yes – it moved back and forth, and then no – it moved in a circle. I asked if I should buy a lens, and it moved back and forth quite clearly. It is not in my nature to make decisions like this, although I am doing many things in my life that I have never done before, including listening to self-hypnosis CD’s and ancient musical scales for healing.

I asked the pendulum some other questions and was quite startled at how clearly and accurately it answered them. So this experience rattled me, as so many others have. Spirituality is about letting go, learning to trust. Asking for help. It is not a good time for me to buy a lens, but I am drawn to the pendulum. There was something there.