It has been a couple of months since Rocky was euthanized, right behind the barn where he took the shade and waited for his daily dose of grain. Rocky had walked that pasture alone for more than 15 years, and his routines had been upended by new people, the construction of a new barn, new fences, and the arrival of Simon, who would not accept a blind old pony anywhere near his herd – Lulu and Fanny. It was one of the most disturbing experiences Maria and I had encountered in our life with animals, and even though we had prepared for it, we were really not prepared at all for what happened. We are always taken aback by the real life of real animals. Ironically, we had a vet and come examine his eyes shortly before his death. He was totally blind, she said, no hope of seeing.

Rocky struggled to deal with all of this change, and when the vet told us he should not have to endure another winter in his condition, we agreed. As many of you may remember, a number of people were upset by the decision, some left the site. I wrote about Rocky every day for several years – it was three years ago that I first saw him standing in front of his collapsed barn. It was odd to suddenly stop writing about him at all. But if there is a real world of real animals, there is also a real world for real writers, and the blog and I moved on.

I think of Rocky several times a week, Maria, I think, misses him acutely, although we do not speak of him much anymore.  She called him her little pony. I see her look so sad sometimes when she goes into his stall in the barn, now empty. Life is certainly simpler for us with Rocky gone, but there is a loss, an emptiness also. He led us here, he was a great and enduring presence on this farm. The paths he walked every day and relied on in his blindness are still visible. She sheep and the donkeys like the corner of the pasture where he loved to graze.

I thought Red might be affected by the loss or Rocky. Rocky trusted Red, and used him as a beacon to get around. Red seemed to want to help Rocky see and move about, and that was a powerful thing to see.  But Red is nothing if not focused. What he loves is to work and he never skipped a beat. Animals can be loving, they can be ruthless.

I have learned a lot about death in my hospice work and in my time with animals, and I see it is often a blessing, not always a curse. I am at peace with Rocky and his passing, I was from the first.  I believe he was released from a life that grown to be too much for his aging and gentle spirit. I hope I will always consider him, and take the time to remember him, and the many photos I took of him. I owe him much, and he deserves to be remembered.