I never imagined having one farm, let alone two. I never imagined that Bedlam Farm would still be on the market after nearly a year, but it is. So what is the message for me? Is it “the economy?” The evil banks and their mortgage policies? My beautiful farm is not so beautiful or as special as I think? That following the heart is not a sensible thing in our world of warnings, cautions, lawsuits and regulations?

I don’t think those are the messages, although I feel them and hear them sometimes. I think the message is that this is life, it’s beauty and wonder. The farm brought me Maria. Seven books, children’s books, thousands of photos that I love, an awakening that has opened up my life, spiritually and creatively. The new farm has brought its own gifts. We have this idea about life, that it is a straight line, that we can alter it by going to doctors, listening to lawyers, watching the news, texting our alerts and warnings, putting on our seat belts and scaring our children about strangers, sex and life.

Here is the message. I have two farms. Each a gift, bringing me treasures, reminding me that a perfect life is not a life without trouble or surprises, is not a life with a fat IRA, is not a life without fear or anger, but a life in which we let go of our hubris, our discouragement, the anger and fear that flows around us like a river. We accept the nature of life. Sometimes we get what we want, sometimes we don’t, sometimes our animals thrive, sometimes they die, sometimes there is gain and sometimes loss.

And always, always, there is light and beauty and meaning, if we can be disciplined and caring and strong enough to look for it.

That is the meaning of my two farms. Beauty here, beauty there. I am not in charge.