I wanted to share with you the last photo I took of Rocky before he was euthanized. Rocky lives on in the hearts and and minds of many, but also in my Aperture Photo Library where there are thousands of photos dating back several years. They are messages to me.

I get messages from everywhere, and many of them are important. For many years, Rocky was Florence’s pony, and for awhile, it seemed to me he was Maria’s pony. It was very hard for her to lose him. I had a more complex relationship with him – he drew me to the farm and he was, for me, a metaphor for going through life with acceptance and grace.

I learned much from him. I always saw Rocky as a spirit animal.  He was very old, very worn and tired, from the first. How do you know when to help them go? You don’t, really, you just have to trust your feelings.

Maria was very drawn into nurturing Rocky – brushing and talking to him and combing his mane and loving him, and he returned the favor. Those moments when he seemed to come most alive were those times when she was near.  I have long believed that many women have this extraordinary gift of talking with animals because some of them are so in tune with their emotions, as Maria is. For me, for many men, that takes work and thought. We have to work to open up.

Maria and I are content with our decisions regarding Rocky and while there was some tension and disagreement about that decision last week, there seems less now. I think it was good for me to explain it a bit.

The message from all of the discussions was more complicated. I am reinforced in the belief that I do not wish to argue my life, even though explaining it is often appropriate. It is difficult to manage my own anger sometimes, especially when I am dealing with old and entrenched issues in my life. Anger has no place here, in my work, life, blog or writing, not from the outside, not from me. There is surely something to the law of attractions. What is inside often appears from the other world. The only moments when I regret my blog and the interactivity it spawns is when anger appears and I have to find a way to respond to it. The only thing I can do is to keep working to shed the anger in me and to not express it or respond to it. Other people will have to figure out their own way.

But anger has nothing to do with the messages from Rocky or the nature of his life. He was a sweet and loving animal, loyal to Nate and Florence and the people in his life. He saw Florence through and he brought us to the farm. Looking through the many photos I have of him, the message I hear is clear and simple: Be simple. Be loyal. Be gentle. Speak softly.  Accept the nature of life. Do no harm. Open the doors for people if you can. Go in peace when you are done.