The last time I felt caught between two animals in a difficult way was when Frieda came to Bedlam Farm, and she and Rose tried for some time to drive one another off. I thought Frieda might kill her – Rose did not ever back down. I did not imagine these two powerful women would ever be able to live together in peace. After months of hard and determined work, they did. I would often see these two wonderful working dogs sitting out together in the yard, side by side, a deepening camaraderie. And a testament to patience and determination.

Now I am between two animals that I love once more, Simon and Rocky and the circumstances more complex, the solutions more difficult. Horses are not dogs, donkeys aren’t either. This farm is not that one, and Maria and I are talking and thinking about what to do. She wrote about it beautifully on her website today. Many people think Maria and I have different views on animals – that I am the man-with-a-hard-ass- attitude and she is more saintly. The truth is far from that. She is plenty tough, we are totally in sync on all of the animal decisions we make, and we make them together, as we have from the beginning. Maria and I are different, but we see our lives and the world in the same way.

As always, we have been deluged with advice and opinions, little of either useful or  relevant to us. We are not looking outside of ourselves for solutions and answers, but to one another, and within. Some of you know the way I make moral and ethical decisions – I follow Hannah Arendt’s dictum. The person I have to please is me, it is about respecting myself, not following the feelings of other people.

I will be honest, as I always try to be. I am in a hard place. Simon and I have been through ecstatic experience together, both of us back from the dead, and Rocky a spirit creature who brought us to our new home and opened us up to the wonder of a blind animal who sees everything. There are no good solutions. Simon is not leaving, and Rocky is too old and infirm to go anywhere. Even without his troubles with Simon, he is weakening and struggling. He is 34 years old. Our lives with animals have always been about love and connection, not separate camps who can’t live together. There is no sign that Simon will let up in his determination to drive Rocky away from the herd.  Simon is being a donkey, and that is his Dao. Rocky wants no trouble, hei just hanging on, and that is his. There is no simple way to separate them permanently or reasonably on this farm, certainly not heading into a winter that is already off to a daunting start.

We love both of these creatures in very special ways. Simon opened me up. Rocky led me into the next chapter in my life. They are both extraordinary creatures, each in their own way. They speak to the nature of life, and its often ruthless and relentless way. They both are where we have been or are going.

At the moment, we are running a kabuki kind of operation, switching animals, feed and water around all day, figuring out access to shelter in storms, protecting Rocky without imprisoning Simon. It works for now, but it is not a permanent solution. So we watch it, think about it, talk about it together, which is a blessed sweet thing about my life, to have somebody like that to talk to about things like this.

I will share the experience, as always. I will be honest, as always. I am not seeking advice, as always, and I respect the feelings of the people who love our animals, but this is our decision to make and we will make it together. Sharing it is not the same as giving it to others or taking a poll. You can see how this has replaced thought in our political system.

Many people fear sharing their decisions on the Internet, as it is not a gentle or always civil place. I am not afraid, it is a stepping stone to my awakening, to my life as a writer, to my continuing evolution into a humane and authentic man.

Hard places are hard, but they are also opportunities. To grow, to find truth, to define one’s life.