Yesterday was a hard day for me, and for Maria too. We talked a lot about Rocky last night, this morning. I called Ken Norman, Todd Mason. I thought it through a bit. I see once again the importance of not emotionalizing animals, of not panicking about them, of not projecting our values on them or seeing them in terms of our thoughts and feelings.

I do not think of women as objects to own or protect – it is strange to me – yet this is precisely what this difficulty is about. Simon has been living with his two Jenny’s – female donkeys – for several years and he is clearly threatened by the presence of another male, even an aging blind one. On most farms, there is one male of a species. Two is trouble.  Rocky, blind and confused, is trying to find some safe and familiar space. The challenge is how to give it to him. Understanding this requires me to understand animal, not human thinking. The contrast, of course, are the hysterical, self-righteous and ultimately foolish view of animals that come from people who do not know them or live with them. Solving this demands I not think that way.  These animals are not children, not helpless, not to be pitied or saved but understood and protected. Big difference.

The answer to this comes from inside me and my own experience, not from hostile or friendly messages on Facebook. Last night, I just felt awful thinking of Rocky running in circles, seeking his bearings even though the donkey were in the next pasture.  As Todd Mason told me on the phone last night, “this is your call, Jon. You have to figure it out and decide what you want to do.” And soon, before the snows come and we have even fewer options.

Thanks, Todd, I needed that. A tough day, feeling overwhelmed, so many things going on, tough things to see. Then I collected myself and am thinking more clearly. Snap out of it and start thinking. This is what I am good at. As smart and instinctive as animals are, they are not as smart as clear-thinking people and that is the way through this. I have always out-smarted them if I stay clear.

Animals respond to clarity and tradition. Simon and Rocky must only see one another through a gate for awhile. I will continue to give them some occasional time together. Rocky was rattled, but Simon got a few good kicks to the head as well. Some moving of donkeys back and forth, getting Rocky to feel safe again also. Rocky may, for example, need his own female. Another odd thought.

I will be honest and find my own truth – it may not be yours – and speak it. Isn’t t his what awakening is all about? And self-determination? Finding the answers within yourself, not from the howling mob. Or even from the many good and supportive people out there. This, as always, is the opportunity trouble gives us. To grow and be strong.

Confidence is important also. I have worked out a lot of these problems on the farm, which has taught me much. I want to figure this one out as well, first by understanding and respect the nature of animals, secondly by taking care what and who I listen to, and finally asking myself every day what it is I haven’t tried, haven’t thought of and seeing what works. The key is there, Maria and I need to find it. I can’t guarantee it will all turn out happily – this is the real world of real animals, not the fantasy world of some people online – but I can guarantee I will be strong, clear, decisive and creative. And open about it all.

And I will start anew today. Keep you posted.