I woke up at 5 a.m., got out of be quietly so as not to wake Maria. Hard to do. She sleeps like a sack of cement. I pulled my jeans and a shirt on and I whispered to Red to go out and work. And we did. I thought this morning of one of my favorite historical tales, that of Lord Nelson, famed Admiral of the Royal Navy, who set out to do battle with the Spanish Armada.

Fog separated him from his fleet one morning, and when the fog cleared, he found himself facing 49 enemy warships all by himself. His young lieutenant looked at the Armada arrayed right in front of Nelson and nervously asked him what he wished to do, preparing to turn to the ship around quickly. Nelson looked at him increduously, and answered, “why, lieutenant. There is only one thing to do. Attack!” And so he died. The rest of the fleet joined up, and the British won, but Nelson was gravely injured by a sniper and died soon after.

To me, this story illustrates the best and worst of men. Too headstrong to turn, he rushed to die. But also stirringly brave and inspiring at the same time. When you believe in something, you must pursue it, even beyond reason sometimes. You either live a life of the heart or a life of the checkbook. It is hard to do both. This morning, in the pasture with Red, looking out at this valley, I wavered, for the first time, on selling the farm. What am I doing? I thought. How could I leave this wonderful place for another place that needs a lot of work? Why, in my 60’s, am I not downsizing, counting my IRA’s, budgeting for the long road downhill. Why am I buying a farm when I haven’t sold the one I have, and how beautiful a one it is.

I asked myself the same questions before I upended my life and refused to live a loveless life or die a loveless death. I knew what I had to do. The result was Maria, the greatest victory in my life.

And then, this morning,  I remembered Lord Nelson, standing on the bridge of his ship, looking out at all of those guns, not even blinking, and I turned to Red, staring down a big and belligerent ram,  and I answered the voices in my head, my own lieutenant, and I said, “why, Red. Let’s attack.”

And we will.