We visited the place I call the New Bedlam Farm Thursday and we felt comfortable there. Lenore felt at home on the porch. We sat in the rocking chairs. We have not sold our farm or bought the new place, but to me, it is a symbol of hope, rebirth and renewal. I am eager to write about the new place, when we get there. It is very different from Bedlam Farm. People who think I am moving because I am getting older and seeking an easier life will be surprised. It is not that kind of place. That is the reflexive prejudice we bring to bear on aging, this idea that it is all about downsizing and retrenchment. For many people, those who like to say “at our age,” that is the story, the conventional wisdom. It always makes me cringe.

That is what society expects of us, it seems, but they will not get that from me, because it is so often a lie. This new place would ask a lot from us, as did Bedlam Farm. I know we live in times that many people believe are economically fraught, and who am I to say otherwise?

But I do not share the view that the world is a grim place, filled only with sadness and danger and despair. That is not the reality of my life.

But perhaps because of that, the new place is exciting a symbol of growth, change, hope and renewal. Rebirth. I am not stranger to fear or the bleak view of things.  For me, the call to life involves challenge and growth. It took years of hard and expensive work for Bedlam Farm to be the very comfortable and beautiful place that it is, and it will take time for the new place to be the same, if we end up living there. I believe we will. That is the point for me, for us. We begin again. We renew ourselves, every day, forever and again.