Perhaps inspired by the news, or our political system, people see their beliefs and lives as an argument. Some people who read my blog believe they have the right to argue with me about my actions and beliefs as much as they would like. I had what was to me an odd encounter with a long-time reader and blogger who began obsessively arguing about one of my posts. She didn’t stop, and so I booted her off of my Facebook Page, an odd thing for a writer and long-time practitioner of interactivity to do. She was outraged and couldn’t believe she couldn’t say anything she wanted on my site in any way she wished. She then demanded a refund for all of the books of mine that she has bought. Good luck taking that to a bookstore, I thought.

I was reading another website and saw a raging argument about a decision someone was about to make. It was devolving into a generational thing – young people one way, older people another. Everybody seemed to have an opinion. The host of the site seemed to be happily teasing people, seeming to want opinions, but not really.

I am quite set on my life not being an argument, something it is simple to do on the Internet, where posts are free and easy and anonymous and people are rarely held accountable for their words. I’ve been e-mailing for much of my life, and I have a good sense of what is over the line and what isn’t. I think it is true that if I put myself out there, people have the right to disagree with me, as they almost always do, and I find that as valuable as praise. But my life is not an argument, and I do not argue my beliefs with strangers, especially on the Internet. I cannot imagine spending a considerable chunk of my life defending myself or arguing with people. So I don’t.

I have also come to see that I have no idea what other people should do, think, or believe. Beliefs are personal, and I work hard to develop mine, but have no sense that I know what others ought to do. I used to think I did, and I am especially grateful for losing that conceit. People at any age have to make their decisions, enjoy their successes, learn from their mistakes. I think they call it a boundary. In our time, communicating in public involves boundaries.  Disagreement doesn’t trouble me at all. But jeering or arguing with people is not peaceful or creative. And yes, I will not permit too much of it. It’s not only my decision, it’s my responsibility.