April 27, 2010 – I saw a study on animal grief that suggested that when a dog or cat dies, people call a hotline, acknowledge their grief, write about the feelings, call a pet loss support group.

I think all of these things work and can be helpful. Yet they are similiar to advice everyone suffering any kind of emotional disorder gets. They are valuable, and if they work, that’s good to know. I don’t think they would work for me. Deciding to let a pet die, or watching them die is profoundly painful all the more so because unlike humans, they can’t say goodbye or tell us how they feel. And we can’t explain to them what’s happening. That makes animal grieving unique.

I think a certain amount of grief is natural, quite appropriate even healthy. What helps me  is to be what I call animal specific. Celebrate the dog or cat as an individual entity. Walked where they walked. Save a collar or toy. Have a dignified and personal memorial service. Talk about what the dog or cat meant. I have devised for my book on animal grieving a “Moving On” ceremony in which people can acknowledge their grief, celebrate the memory and life of their dog or cat, and find a ritual way of moving on. Hopefully beginning  a path that leads to another animal to love.

Sometimes I think self-helps books and media are too slick about the generalized things that help grief and trauma. Every person and every animal are unique, and the most helpful thing I find is to celebrate those particular and individual things. It is pro-active and comes out of the individual life, not general ideas. This is an idea I really want to develop in my book.