Marquez hit it on the head when he said we are not born once and for all when our mothers give birth to us, but are required to give birth to ourselves again and again. This weekend, a part of me is going through rebirth. The donkeys are back, and I am very happy. The sheep are coming in a week or so. Rose is back at work at Merck Forest.

I feel I am closing one chapter and beginning another. I sent all of the animals away because I needed to get my life on order, take responsibility for what I am doing, learn how to live, find love, conquer fear and old issues. What a brawl. I am still fighting it of course – you are never done – but I am making headway, moving forward. And sometimes you have to have the strength to go back in order to go forward. It was hard to let the animals go. It is hard bringing them back. It is good. I did not know how much I missed them or how much they meant to me.

I need to be careful. I will not return to the circus I had a couple of years ago. I will do it thoughtfully, cautiously. Maria is here now. That is a huge difference. I will have two donkeys and some sheep, probably for the summer, perhaps longer. We are obviously not moving anywere, and that makes me feel very good. So in a sense I am giving rebirth to my life by keeping it where it is, an option that really never occurred to me. I will never forget the look on Maria’s face when she went up to see the donkeys this morning. I need to marry that girl.