Someone suggested a new name for Bedlam, that Bedlam was not appropriate now. I think I’ll keep it, though and take it with me. It was very apt, and still, in some ways is. But I like the name “New Bedlam Farm,” which perhaps will reflect the change, once I find such a place and move there. It seems a bit like the Promised Land. You keep searching. Do you ever find it?
  I had a dream about a man I’ll call David, although that is not his real name. A year ago, he came to the farmhouse to help with a particular aspect of the refinancing I was going through. We talked and filled out some forms together and then he looked at me, and said, “you’ve been divorced recently, haven’t you?” I was surprised, since noone I knew had asked me about it, and many of my friends seem to have disappeared (something I think is common when there is trouble).
  David burst into tears, apologized, and said he had gone through a divorce and he said he would never get over it, nor would his children. We talked for awhile and I was very struck by how easy it was to talk to him, and how much we felt in common, and how rare it is for men to share such a moment, even so briefly. He was embarrassed about crying, but we talked for some time. I appreciated it.
 He was very kind to me at that moment, very generous, and our encounter meant a lot to me.
  Yesterday he called and invited me to lunch, and I actually hesitated. I didn’t know him that well, after all, and our meeting was a while ago, and I am sure we are both in different places. Then I shook my head and called him back and said yes, I’d be delighted to have lunch with him. And I would.
  Men are not really popular these days, especially, I am learning, among women. The myth of a men’s movement has long collapsed, and work has become insecure and transient for almost everyone, of both genders. I always wonder when the nature of the American workplace – cold, insecure, temporal –  will become a political issue, debated by politicians and all of those people screaming on cable talk shows.
 Everywhere,  I see men struggling to talk honestly, make friendships, connect with the emotions not only of themselves but the people around them. Mostly, I see them failing.
  I will try and avoid that sorry mistake with David.