January 7, 2008 – It’s difficult to see and hear of the suffering of people, and another round of figures, markets, and and fear. Tougher also to experience it in a bleak, relentless and punishing winter. One of the striking things about the messages that come into the farm, courtesy of the World Wide Web, is that even when people are suffering, they seem to feel that something good is coming into their lives – simplicity, community, human connection, a better sense of time and purpose, a yearning for things that are more meaningful and truly secure.
  I think of Eleanor Roosevelt, Churchill, Lincoln, who all said character was formed by facing trouble honestly, with courage and the ability to project a better future. Good people to listen to. I am imagining Spring, and also better and more meaningful times.
   Equally powerful are the stories I receive about fear, feeling it, overcoming it, moving through it.
  I often felt this year that suffering – especially pain, fear and loss – define the good things as well as the bad, and have a tendency to provoke us into understanding what support and empathy is, what we are really about, what we want to do with our lives, what it is important. The farm is a drama of change and learning. When I think of all its changes, the animals, problems, failures and triumphs, I see what a teacher it is.
  Good news and bad is about character. It is about how we respond. Always a choice.
  My life is quite different than it was last year, as is true of many people. The farm is quite different. My photography and my writing is different, and so, in fact, is this blog. This website began as a chronicle of one person’s life on a farm, then evolved into a kind of animal character soap opera, then turned into a more personal account of one person’s confrontation with what I charitably call mental illness. There was an external period of hospice work, teaching, mad dashing around to take thousands of photographs. Lately, there has been another change, a turn towards something quieter, more internal. All of these things – all of them – remain, but in different forms, perhaps quieter, more considered, I hope more spiritually based.
  A lot of people miss the animal character period, perhaps the most cheerful time – feisty roosters, rebellious goats, spiritual steers. These were all, in part, stories a writer creates, things he sees, the way he looks at the world.
  I think my relationships are more real now, the people as well as the animals. All kinds of animals come and go, the dogs are a constant, especially these three – Izzy, Lenore, Rose.
   The blog is complex. I have made close friends. I have been encouraged and supported. I have been challenged and criticized. I write every day, and showed my art here.
 I will never get used to stalkers, or the experience of being stalked. Nor will I ever fully master the line between being open and being private.
  Another constant is that the farm, and this website seem to have become a source of encouragement and sometimes, inspiration. This is a mystery to me, but perhaps the point. In the responses of others, you can learn something about yourself.
  So today, I am beginning the today by imaginging wonderful photos, a strong chapter in my novel, love and connection in my life, the meaning of friendship, the coming of Spring, and a sense of hope, recovery and a search for the joy in life.