New quilt by Maria Heinrich, yesnoquilts.com

  January 3, 2008 – Last year was not a simple one for me, and it was in some ways the most difficult of my life. I think this year I have faced myself, and am still standing.
  When I came to Bedlam Farm in 2003, one of the ideas I had about my life was to make the farm a creative place, a place of encouragement for me and for creative people. In some ways that happened, and in some ways, the idea was derailed. I did not really know who I was or where I was in life, nor had I confronted some serious problems that had haunted me for a long time.
  In 2008 the mask came off, as Joseph Campbell says, and I was challenged to reconsider and reclaim my life, to face my problems and give rebirth to life. And so I have, and so I am, and so I will continue to do. It is work that is never done, I think, and I will never quit on it.
  My notion of the farm was threatened, to some extent derailed. But many of the ideas behind the farm grew and evolved beyond my own imagination and expectations and continued on even as I stumbled, and fell into a dark and difficult place. My friend Mary Kellogg, the poet, published her first book, “My Place On Earth,” and it has sold nearly 1,000 copies and has been much acclaimed. Her second volume of poetry is near completion and will be published in the Spring of this year. I started my own photo site and became a photographer and an artist. My photos are on the covers of my  books and inside them, and I have shown and sold my photographs all over the country. My love of writing has only deepened, and I have more ideas for books and stories than I can possibly write in the next few years.
  My friend Maria Heinrich started her own business, yesnoquilts, and her own artistry grows and deepens. My friend Ray Smith (see the journal below) has emerged as a gifted painter, and we are plotting a joint showing of his paintings and my photos in the Spring perhaps at Gardenworks in Salem, N.Y. My book “Out Of The Shadows” will be published in the next week or so and can now be pre-ordered.
   I have many ambitions for me and my work and for the farm in 2009. I am working on fiction once again. I am returning the farm to its original, simpler state, an environment more conducive to writing and thinking and my photos.
  The year to me was one of growth, change, loss, pain, joy and creation. Like everyone else, I was shaken by the panic over our economy, and had to change my life quickly, and like many others, I have come to realize the erosion of values, the waste, greed and moral confusion that had come to mark this so-called boom time. Almost everyone I know, even those suffering loss of work and income, feels challenged to lead a healthier, creative, simpler and more meaningful life. I am grateful for the chance to be a more authentic and complete human. I am excited at the prospect of living my life.
  I would hate to have ended my life without the opportunity to change. I suspect many of us realize that a life measured by IRA’s and market prices will sooner or later disappoint and collapse on its own empty core.
  A good year is not defined by the absence of trouble, but by our response to it. As I suspected, the world has not come to an end. We will survive and I have this growing suspicion that this will be a compelling and meaningful year in many ways. Beyond that, I intend to mark my year by an even more intense commitment to creation. My farm will reflect the changing times by becoming a better managed, less wasteful and more spiritual place. There is talk of vegetable gardens, bee hives and more efficient sources of energy. We are on a budget.
  The farm will renew its commitment to be a place of encouragement, where people who dare to create and show their work to the world can find encouragement and support. I am devoted to this blog, and will continue to update it daily with news of the farm, journaling, and a stream of photographs of the animals and environment. To those of you who are encouraged here to tell your stories and send your signals to the world, I promise you as much support as it is possible for me to give, and I welcome and appreciate yours.
  I sent animals away this year, some to their death, lost friends, made friends, changed much of my life.
  If there was a constant in this period, it was the creativity that kept my own heart beating, my own soul nourished, and that I saw in the people around me, many of whom I love dearly. Seeing Ray’s paintings, reading Mary’s powerful new poems, seeing Maria’s vibrant and daring new ideas, crawling through the snow myself to find photos to take, I am energized, exhilarated,  overwhelmed at the human drive to create, an impulse more powerful than fear, suffering and loss. I am committed to living my life, to the last breath.
  I have always seen life as a merry-go-round of sorts, a perpetual spinning and cycling of good and bad, joy and sorrow. The bell is ringing.