December 6, 2008 – When you put parts of your own life out there, you have to take responsibility for what comes back. This morning’s messages included one suggestion that I was bi-polar, another that I was a charming and impulsive teen-ager, out of control, and another that I was a hypocrite and an ass.
  I also got a number of messages asking about my personal life, offering advice and observations and the great bulk – which I appreciate – were from people wishing me good luck and peace as I consider how to responsibly and maturely maintain and live on this farm, which I love. I’m always surprised at how many people understand the idea that people have to do what they have to do, and make their own judgements.
  It may seem to some that their fantasy of a happy and perfect life on a farm is being threatened, but I see things differently. I believe that I am not getting crazy, but getting well. My wish for Bedlam Farm is to be a peaceful, responsible place that can be well managed, and that creates an environment of creativity, encouragement and good writing and photos for me and for some other creatives who hang around here. It is not a perfect life, but a good and rewarding life.
  That is a complex and difficult process, even painful, and I change myself several times a day, at least. Still, I am committed to a certain degree of openness in the process, because I believe in openness and I don’t want my life, books or blog to advance a fantasy notion of me, life or the farm.
  Sometimes the reality of a writer’s life – any life – comes into conflict with other people’s notions of what life should be, and then the pedal hits the medal. You do, in fact, find out who your friends are.
  So I will keep at it, and keep sharing the process. Some might find it uncomfortable, and they, of course, are free to move on. Noone is forced to come to this blog, anyone is free to leave. That’s the nice thing about a site that is free.
  I am finding the dialogue helpful and meaningful.

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  P.S. Rose is in no danger. She is not disturbed by me, or the loss of two donkeys. She ate something gross and it is still in her intestine. It will be out soon and she will be home.