December 4, 2008 – My experience of the farm is that it is perpetually humbling, and the point of the experience is complex and evolving. Some of what coming here is about:

 – Taking responsibility for myself, and my life.
 
 – My life is as fulfilling as I am willing to work and make it.

 – There is no point in life at which I cannot grow, learn or change.

 – I am responsible for my own happiness and well being.

 – A life with animals on a farm does not bring happiness or peace. That is an internal, not an external, experience. Animals can open doors.

 – Encouragement is not a courtesy, but an essential element of creativity.

–   Love is a human right, not a movie fantasy. Freud got it right – love and work.

–  Courage is not about being fearless, but about facing fear and living right through it.

   I’ve been on the farm since 2003. The first phase was surviving and learning. The second was a kind of manic rushing around, a wasteful and intense period without focus or discipline, or much spirituality. A close friend told me the other night, “I like you better now. You are calmer.” I know what she meant.
  Now, it is time for another period of change and growth, and I will share it as it evolves. I feel the farm is too complex, too many chores, duties, too much hay, manure, a few too many animals.
  I love the farm just as much as I did when I came here, but I have lost some of the spiritual sense of peace and purpose, and I think I need to get it back. I am centering down, making choices, managing efficiently, giving rebirth to my life here. A time for renewal.