April 15, 2008 – An interesting day, photo wise. I am figuring out how to shoot moss and some other Spring stuff. I also left a fisheye landscape lens that cost more than my first three cars on the back of my car and drove off, discovering it was gone when I got home.
  This morning, I got in the car to retrace my steps and found it was lying right in the middle of the road, four miles away, unscathed and not run over, which is hard to believe. Perhaps a benefit of living in the country. I will absolutely never figure out how to handle all this  equipment, as I pop in and out of the car every 500 yards to take a shot of something I absolutely am mesmerized by. Is this creativity, or obsession? Or both.
   Photography is a great gift to obsessives. For one thing, you can take photos of almost anything, and obsess over shutter speeds, light and lenses. For another, you get to come home and look at the photos, then play around with them. There’s always stuff to want and buy. Then you can run all over creation and try things.
  Do you really have to be nuts to be creative? Or does the process of trying make you nuts?
  I see this has been in me for years, and I spent more time trying to find and see it elsewhere than in myself. And I have a long, long way to go to be good.
   I mention this not in any self-congratulatory way, but as a caution to those who think you might want to  do something – poetry, photography, music, writing, art –  but are not creative enough. Listen to yourself, and go for it. The standard is not how successful you can be, or how other people will judge what you do. Ultimately, the standard is self-respect, and real freedom.
  None of us really can judge how good we are or aren’t – it’s too subjective, and ultimately,
 not knowable. All we can do is try to feel good about ourselves by saving ourselves, and liberating the parts of us that need to be respected and encouraged.
  I am learning many lessons about myself, and have no wish to lecture others about themselves.
   I feel it’s important to be fulfilled, sure. But speaking for me, I have learned the importance of encouraging onself. If you are lucky, as I am, others will encourage you. If you are unlucky, as I have been at times, then you may have to do it yourself.
 But do yourself a great favor, and either way, do it.