October 29, 2007 – Feeling stronger, as I work to find peace, center down, remember why I am here and what my purpose is. Thomas Merton, the late Trappist Monk and gifted writer, refreshes me and has always led me out of darkness and towards light. I am reading him for an hour a day now, again, as I did some years ago when I wrote “Running To The Mountain.” We know, he writes, that we are following our true vocation when our soul is set free from preoccupation with itself. You cannot live without faith. It is hopeless to try to live your life in a cloister if you are going to eat your heart out thinking that nobody loves you.
  Gratitude and confidence and freedom from ourselves. These are the signs that we have found our vocation and are living up to it even though everything else may seem to have gone wrong. They give us peace in any suffering. They teach us to laugh at despair. And we may have to.
  This morning, my barn cats Minnie and Mother ate from the same plate. Tiny thing, in the life of a farm. But a step that reminded me of the harmonious and healing nature of the place, and its impact on me, as long as I work to stay open to it. Merton also writes that work we love is something of both sacrifice and joy, and that also struck a chord with me. I might head back out to the woods this week for a couple of days of solitude. We’ll see. For now, a walk with the dogs and an effort to focus on gratitude and confidence, and a willingness to absorb the small miracle of two wild creatures coming to accept sustenance from one another and to share it. And this morning, Rose vomited on the floor, and Lenore had diarrhead. Keeps one grounded in the now.