October 28,2007 – Thomas Merton wrote that one can’t live a meaningful life without faith, and I believe that is so, whether or not one is religious. I am not religious in the conventional sense of the term, and I believe that the pressures, cares and pace of life have drained my sense of peace and spirituality, as some of you have notice, to my amazement, by reading this journal. I need more space around my head, fewer calls to make, e-mail to answer.
  So I’ve launched a spiritual offensive. I’m walking, meditating, sheepherding,  reading Merton and C.S. Lewis. I have gone out to the woods camping three times in recent weeks, and am heading out again, possibly even this week. I find renewal in solitude, in quiet, disconnected from technology and communications and telephones and people. I bring one or two dogs, (Izzy if I really want quiet). I am learning slowly how to camp and pack and eat out there, thanks to Maria and Anthony. I read, think, journal, take pictures. I wade in the solitude, and it refreshes me, reminds me of why I am here, who I love, what I want my life to mean. It is difficult to measure, act on or think of those things in the modern world, as we are so beset. My hospice volunteer work with Izzy reminds me regularly what is important, and what is not.
 Saturday, out in a cabin in the woods of Vermont, watching the rain and wind pour down, I felt released, and refreshed. I think I need more, though.
   And I always go back to Merton. One cannot live a meaningful life without faith. So the question is, faith in what? I think, for me, faith in friendship, family, love, fidelity, a moral purpose, and integrity. And writing. And dogs. And the farm. I am eager to regain a fading sense of spirituality, and without it, I feel drained, impoverished. And Merton is right. You have to work at it. Renew it. Believe in it. Have faith in it.
 So I am working to be worthy of it, to regain it, to feel it again. And thanks for all the very nice e-mails from the perceptive people who have sensed this struggle and sent good wishes. Much appreciated.