Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

6 November

Flower Art, The Black Dog Came. Out Of Darkness, Light.

by Jon Katz

It was all so far away—the country had a quiet, untouched feel, and I could work as I pleased–

Georgia O’Keeffe.

When suffering arises, the first thing to do is to stop, follow our breathing, and acknowledge it. Don’t try to deny uncomfortable emotions or push them down.

Breathing in, I know suffering is there.

Breathing out, I say hello to my suffering.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Today, I am continuously experimenting with my new 100 mm lens. I like it immensely and have a few new flowers to experiment with. You are welcome to come and see.

 

I admit to slipping into a dark place today. I’m not looking for an argument or self-pity. I feel blue, and the things that lift me are Maria,  my flower photography, my blog, Zip or Zinnia hanging out with me, and my work at the Food Pantry, which gives me an incredible feeling of joy, meaning, and purpose.

The Mansion finally asked me if I would return to teach my meditation class. It was hard to say no, but I said I’d consider it. I miss those people very much, but I called and said no today. I am done with it. They just waited too long. I’ve filled that space in my heart and can’t be comfortable there.

Zinnia hangs out with me all day in my office; Zip hangs out with me when I take photos in the sunlight.

Meditation and silence will heal me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 November

Anatomy Of Kindness: Hail Kyle, A Hero: Every Day “The Pantry Special” From Amazon Arrives At The Food Pantry. The Amazon Drivers Know Everyone By Name. This Is What It Means To Be Caring

by Jon Katz

Message From Amazon Donor: “I’ve been where your families are. I am so grateful for the opportunity to pay it back/forward. Ardis.”

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Kyle is a hero of mine; he is often called in when an Amazon truck pulls up with a load of heavy boxes that need unpacking, sorting, logging, and putting up or away. Kyle often works with his mother, Kris; they work quickly and efficiently and know where everything goes and belongs. He and I have become pals. He has an evil eye and a wicked sense of humor.

Today, Sarah texted me this afternoon to say another huge Army of Good load had arrived (see below), and Kyle’s shirt was ready to be given to him. She knew I would want a photo; keeping up with the Army of Good is hard, but I am determined to catalog their generosity.

Running back and forth to the pantry with my camera, often more than thrice a week, is a labor of love. It’s a way to show the Army Of Good just how vital their work is. Your contributions are not just making a significant impact, they are transforming our community. I’m proud to be a part of it, and I hope you are too.

Here is what it looked like today – Kyle was thrilled with his shirt, and Sarah was thrilled with the items women needed, the Ramen everyone needed, and the cereal for the backpacks. Nothing makes her happier than full shelves, and we are helping to keep them that way. Smiles are everywhere; you are making a huge difference.

We got Kyle his “hero” shirt because he ran outside to stop a stranger from taking a cake (meant for a fund-raising dinner) and running off with it. He chased the car, stopped it, and got the cake back. We got him a “hero” shirt, which he loves.

Thanks to your support, we were able to provide enough cereal boxes for the backpack stuffing tomorrow, along with soup and women’s health items. Your contributions are not just appreciated, they are invaluable. This big and precious load, delivered as usual, is a testament to your integral role in ensuring the kids have full bags and the women have what they need to care for themselves.

Kyle logs the food and puts it on the table for other volunteers to store or put on the shelves. This process goes on all day, every day.

 

Kyle makes Sarah smile. So do Amazon boxes. She can fill the shelves.

6 November

Beautiful Morning. Beauty Heals, Beauty Inspires. Light, Not Darkness

by Jon Katz

Above, Zip keeps me company when I take photos of flowers. He gets close.

 

Maria has moved the manure pile to the front of the pole barn, closer out of the way.

The morning sky was beautiful. My Iphone Pro Max 18 does lovely landscapes.

I’m fascinated by my doomed chair (bonfire coming); it just calls to me.

At first, I didn’t realize an Amish cart was in my photo. I rarely take pictures of them anymore, although they don’t care much if they’re a distance from the road. I love seeing those carts go by; it’s a beautiful addition to any morning.

Fate is waiting, as always.

Geese heading South.

6 November

Salad Dressing Again For The Cambridge Pantry, All $1.99 Than Three Dollars: Let’s Help: Why Salad Dressing Is So Important

by Jon Katz

I asked Sarah why she thought salad dressings were so important she could never keep them in stock. She explained:

We strive to offer an abundance of produce, including fresh greens and lettuce,” Sarah shared. “However, the scarcity of salad dressings at the Regional Food Bank is a significant challenge.”

These dressings complement our nutritious offerings, making it easier for kids to enjoy healthy food. Your support makes a real difference.

(Photo above: Terry spends hours unloading and distributing the food from the Army of Good. She says it is lovely to see the shelves filled.

One of the things I like about working with the food bank is that I am learning a lot about food hunger and preferences. The pantry parents are constantly fighting for their children and their health.

Parents who visit the pantry are faced with a difficult choice-they continually have to give up one food for another, highlighting the severity of the food insecurity issue.

Sarah is a genius at keeping track of every item in the pantry. It’s always challenging and complicated. For less than $3, we can buy all three.

Three kinds of dressing are popular, and all are $1.99, an exceptional bargain. We can help. And good for Sarah, she cares greatly about members who come to the pantry for help; she always wants to know what they want and try to get it. That is rare in the food pantry world.

Happy Belly Creamy Caesar Dressing, 16 fl oz (Pack of 1), $1.99.

Thousand Island Dressing, 16 fl oz, Pack of 1), $1.99.

Traditional Italian Dressing, 16 fl oz (Pack of 1). $1.99.

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I found this bargain item now on the wish list: body shampoo.

Extra Body Voluminizing Shampoo, 15, $1.01.

 

 

 

“As you can see from this photo taken just two weeks ago, our salad shelves are currently empty. Your donations can help us restock and continue our mission to provide nutritious meals.

You can see and browse the Cambridge Pantry Amazon Food Wish List anytime, but you can also click on links here or on the green button at the bottom of every post on my blog. And thanks. Doing good helps me sleep and be happy.

I highly recommend it.

6 November

A Hard Night For Many And Me. My New Commandments. The Art Of Happiness And Suffering. One Goes With The Other.

by Jon Katz

The essence of our practice can be described as transforming suffering into happiness. It’s not a complicated practice, but it requires us to cultivate mindfulness, concentration, and insight. First, we must come home to ourselves, make peace with our suffering, treat it tenderly, and look deeply at the roots of our pain. It requires us to let go of useless, unnecessary suffering and look closer at our idea of happiness. Finally, we must nourish happiness daily with acknowledgment, understanding, and compassion for ourselves and those around us. We offer these practices to ourselves, our loved ones, and the larger community. This is the art of suffering and the art of happiness. We either breathe, ease suffering, or generate joy. With each step, the flower of insight blooms.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

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It was a hard night for Maria, me, and many others; it felt like I was trapped in a merry-go-round. I went around and around, fear, sorrow, surprise, anger, confusion, and some tears. I cried for the end of my idea of what America means (I always think of my grandmother; America saved her life, and I suppose mine, when she came to our country.)

So many people are happy this morning, and so many are suffering. I am one of them. But I have learned that when I suffer, suffering is not all there is. Happiness belongs to now, not some other place. But there is no happiness without suffering, as I have repeatedly learned. Here is another chance to remind me that grief and joy are not separate.

I sometimes wish I were a donkey or dog, going about business without concern for humans’ complexity.

I don’t understand what happened last night; I feel oddly removed from my country. I will need to understand what happened before I can truly move beyond it, which I intend to do. I need to rethink what America means. There will be a lot of good to come from it.

I decided to move forward and think about what this night would mean for Maria, me, our farm, and our country. I can’t speak for millions, only for me. America was always an idea for me, one of the best ideas ever. We are not seeing the end of America, but our shared values and ideas about her seem to be gone for good.

I love my country, but I must try to figure out what my country is now. I am hopeful.

I intend to turn this pain into good, not hate, as I have always tried to do. Grace is not about dealing with what you want but with life as it is.

My ego got a battering. Hubris can pop like a balloon. I was way off.

I always understood most Americans’ feelings, but I had no idea what was about to happen was going to happen.

As a result, I intend to step away from this world; it is not my world, and I want to focus on the things I love and do well.

I am surrounded in my town by a sea of people who think differently than I do. But these people have been good and welcoming to me in my years here.  Many good people see the world differently than me. Everyone has treated me well and respectfully, and I will not succumb to judging or condemning anyone for disagreeing with me.

Perhaps that is Commandment One. Keep working to be a better human being; great opportunities exist.

I got up to think about my new  Commandments after the long night:

 

My commandments:

One: I will not become a hater of anyone who disagrees. That is a poison. I want to respond to yesterday with grace, hope, disappointment, honesty, sadness, and acceptance.

Two: The Army Of Good was born in the Spring of 2016 as a way of doing good rather than hating and arguing. It continues to thrive and do good, and my response to yesterday will be to do more good, the same as before. Suffering can be turned into good. Then, it makes sense to me.

Three: My commitment to the Cambridge Food Pantry is deep, intense, and renewed. Jesus pleaded with us to help those with nowhere to go, and I take that to heart. The pantry work has been a great gift to me and others.

Four: I re-commit myself to supporting my wife in her life and work and supporting women in their search for freedom, equality, and dignity. There is no going back.

Five: I cherish my blog and will continue to work on it every day and improve it in every way. I am also committed to keeping the blog a safe place free of cruelty and hatred. I have finally learned to quench the fire the blog has absorbed inside me.

Six: I am committed to developing my work as an artist through flower photos and photography.  Something important is happening inside of me. Thanks so much for your support.

Seven: I am committed to living with animals and nature on Bedlam Farm. They heal and enrich me, and so does the natural world.

Eight: I am committed to a lifetime of meaning while it lasts. That means devoting much of my remaining life to helping those with nowhere to go.

Nine: I am committed to believing that people are good and wish to do good.

Ten. I am committed to the happy lives Maria and I are living together. For the first time in my life, I have everything I want or need; there is nothing I yearn for that I do not have. Politics can never do that for me; I leave them behind until it makes sense.

Politics will never mark my identity of well-being; I will never stick a label on me that chokes off thought.

 

 

 

 

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