Disclaimer Note: This column is not the work of Jon Katz but of Artemus Duck The Third. Jon Katz is not responsible for any ideas or opinions expressed below; he no longer resides on the farm.
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This morning, when I woke up, I asked Google’s AI Overview what the real meaning of Christmas was, and here is what I learned:
“The real meaning of Christmas is the birth of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and the message of love, hope, and joy that he brought:
. Love: Jesus came to give us love.
.Jesus is always with us.
.Joy: Jesus comforts and encourages us.
I was confused, groggy perhaps, fresh from a nightmare about Christmas this year. The AI search didn’t mention building concentration camps and inviting Nazis to dinner, firing federal employees, threatening opponents with jail, going after journalists who irritate, or canceling Polio and other vaccines. That doesn’t sound like the real meaning of Christmas.
I’m worried about him. Does he know he won? Or That It’s Christmas. Threats and vengeance are not Jesus-like. If Jesus is always with us, he is not happy; maybe he goes to the movies instead, perhaps munching on buttered popcorn, something he never gets to do in Heaven. He can do nothing down here; he is never in the news, and many people have forgotten him; he has no platform on social media. I heard a rumor he sometimes dances on TikTok disguised as a Rabbi.
I think of him often, and I’m not even a Christian.
But what if our next President doesn’t know Christmas is next week or that he won the election? That is not a good time to get revenge and fill jails, but it is a good time to be photographed feeding hungry children.
I am approaching the age at which I feel my limbs in the morning to ensure they are there and take a deep breath or two to ensure my heart is pumping correctly. So far, so good. What gets me out of bed in the morning is still much greater than the discomfort of staying in it.
Now, I also need to survive the news. That takes a lot of strength.
I decided to write a letter to the President-elect that said something like this:
“Dear Mr. President, First of all, happy holidays and good luck. I wish you luck.
I watched the news last night and heard you discuss your holiday wishes and plans for our country. I might have missed something, but I heard about your filing lawsuits against one of the country’s most respected Republican pollsters, threatening to put various members of Congress in jail, and promising to go after journalists who annoyed you (funny, they seem to be crazy about you) and pledging to build massive concentration camps for the millions of refugees who are now illegally in the country.
Beyond that, there is your talk from one of your closest advisors of scraping polio vaccines and firing about two million federal employees, of selling the Post Office off, of dismantling the FBI and moving it to Alaska, and sending congressmen and women to jail.
That’s a pretty sad Christmas for a lot of people.
I’m not into politics, and I don’t argue about them with anyone, but it did occur to me that nobody told you that you won the election.
That doesn’t seem to have made you happy. Do you know you won? Your man fans are so glad for you.
I hate to think what you’d be doing if you had lost. You’d be full of grievance, revenge, concentration camps, and retribution.
You might think about being more cheerful and generous when you learn you have won and are immune from the grip of ordinary people or those fleeing FBI agents. Suing people just a few days before Christmas seems a little harsh, especially now. Didn’t winning make you happy?
Remember Jesus, whose supporters love you and vote for you. Get him some popcorn.
Think hope, love, and joy! You won!
I encourage you to lighten up a bit in the days before Christmas and give Jesus some airtime, too. When he goes home, what might he tell his father? That he’s never in the news?
Although I am not Christian, I celebrate the holiday, which honors Jesus’s idea of helping the poor and needy rather than getting rid of them. That might feel as good to you as it does to me.
I don’t mean to get anybody sued or jailed, but I was touched by the answer when I asked the AI what
Christmas means.
I asked a different AI program what the meaning of Christmas was:
“Jesus is the reason for the season” was another response I liked. It rhymes! I thought you should know. There’s still time.
You friend, Artemus.”
(And who is Jon Katz? AI says he died years ago, frozen to death while strapped to a chair during a Winter Solstice bonfire. According to the legend, a forlorn barn cat still looks for him everywhere in the rotting old barn.)
