My publisher is always concerned that if I give too much of myself and my work away on the blog, then people will not buy my books. I think there is some validity to that caution. People have all sorts of reasons to not buy books, even when they are inexpensive, and I don’t want to contribute to that on behalf of my work and other writers.

So  I won’t give away much of “Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die,” but, moved by all the messages on the Going Home page, I will offer some of my own personal notes on grieving. A taste of some of the thoughts that led to the book, not the book.

Grieving is an intensely personal experience, and I do not tell anyone how to grieve. Nor, in my view, should anybody else.We have to figure it out, as we do have to figure out for ourselves how to get a dog, train a dog, let a dog or cat or pet go.

I have lost many dogs and other animals I love, and this is a bit of what I have learned and am still learning, and hopefully will always be learning:

When a prophet came to God in the Kabbalah and said he wasn’t worthy, God said, “you are enough.” You are enough for me.

Just as you are.

I love that. When a dog of mine dies, I tell myself that I am enough. I did enough. I did my best. That is all I can do. Life and death decisions are not mine to make, a life has its own patterns and rythyms. I am not God, so I let go of the idea that I can change the course of life and death. If you love animals, you will know loss. They are fragile, do not live as long as we do.

Guilt. Is not a useful or productive emotion. One of the things I most love about dogs and cats is that they don’t have guilt or use it. The dog isn’t blaming us at the end of his or her life or second-guessing our decisions or care. It is their wish for us to be happy, not to tear ourselves up with guilt. So, for them, I try not to do that.

The glorious history of dogs and other animals and people is this: They live to serve us, make us smile, love us, lift our hearts, stir our emotions. They are not about our feeling badly, stricken with loss or guilt or remorse. I try and honor them by acknowledging this, and moving to a better place, which is, in my case, finding another animal to love and love me. Dogs make me happy,  not said. That is what they are about, and I try and respect that, not just my own needs.

I honor my relationship with dogs by not letting grief overwhelm my joy and happiness, or my determination to enrich my life by getting another dog, and hopefully, to enrich another of theirs. There are 12 million dogs in America, I need of homes, I remind myself, and I can’t wait to give them one.

I’d say this to you as well as me. Be gentle with yourself. You have done nothing wrong. Feel the joy of a love that is pure and rich.

More notes later.