Quilt, hanging in Maria’s studio. Under construction.

April 6, 2010 – Life in America is complex, and not built on trust. An accountant friend told me yesterday that pre-nuptual agreements are important. Another friend said pre-nups are what adults do. In our country, trust is considered naive, almost irresponsible.

Maria could care less if I got a pre-nup, nor would I object if she chose to have one. I have to confess that I find the whole thing a bit laughable as I do not have much money to fight over, yet the whole idea is disturbing to me. I don’t care how sensible it might or might be, it symbolizes acceptance of something I am not ready to accept.

I understand that love at first blush does not always last – I understand it well – and that things can change, and that today’s reality is not necessary the future. But commitment is a better bet than the stock market.

To me, pre-nups are something Donald Trump needs. It is not, to me, the way to begin a relationship, or a marriage. And I understand well that we may often regret things down the road we didn’t do now. My accountant friend said romance is dead, we do not live in a romantic time. People should have pre-nups in contemporary America, she said. I think that is not a place I choose to live.

In my lifetime, I’ve seen notions of neighborhood, community, family, trust, work all erode under the weight of the new money-centerd, hard-headed realism. People who live on farms with sheep and donkeys are not good candidates for pre-nups. Perhaps in our own way, we are trying to hang on to some different sense of values and identity. I told my account friend that I’d rather be trusting and immature than realistic and grown-up.