February 16, 2010 – Lot going on as usual, and for me, if it hasn’t been posted on the blog, it hasn’t really happened. How strange. Five years ago, that would have seemed disturbing to me. Storm finally hit us, but not too bad – about six inches. I was too busy running around to take photos, for once. Met with a doctor who has studied meditation for many years and he was helpful. It doesn’t change the world, he said, but it can quiet your mind. And help you know who you are.

In meditation, I am learning who I am. Strange not to know yourself at my age. The doctor – he is a psychiatrist – said some people define themselves by the troubles they have had. I do not want to define myself that way.

I think that is the primary goal for me. I know who I don’t want to be, who I am not, but have not yet figured out who I am. I’m working on it. Next Monday, Maria and I will go someplace warm for a few days, as we did last year, in the the dark days when we were both newly divorced and friends seemed to melt away and there was one blizzard after another. It seems very different this year. We are both very busy, and happy. The farm is a creative place – we are churning out books, stories, notecards, quilts, potholders, handbags, photographs. Nice. The blog will be quiet for a few days. I did buy a smaller camera, the Canon G11, so I can take photos on the trip and have fewer problems with security and hauling a giant camera bag around.

We want to be warm, and to be calm.  I have about a half dozen books to read, and today got a new edition of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ “One Hundred Years of Solitude.” Can’t read that often enough.

Today I finished my book of short stories. I have a lot work to do editing and polishing, but the first round feels good. Returning to fiction, I feel my writing is very different than it has been in recent years. It feels very exciting, more emotional, but yes, different. I guess I am different. I am very lucky to have had this chance to change and grow, this creative challenge. And to have someone to share the experience with.

The storm outside reminds me of the one that has raged inside. I have work to do. “Who Am I?” is a good question, at any age. I want to talk walks with Maria, read, sleep. And eat seafood.