August 10, 2009 – A couple of years ago, I looked out of my study window, and counted eight people working on the farm. There were three people working on one of the barns, one on a broken fence, two people on a tractor digging a ditch for the water, one repairing cables eroded behind the house, and two gardeners dragging mulch around to some of the dying old gardens.
  Plus I had a helper taking care of the animals and barns, and someone to clean the house and mow the lawns and grounds. In addition there were two steers and a cow, three goats, a rooster, six hens, three dogs, two barn cats and four donkeys.
  It sounds like I was rich, but I wasn’t. I knew something was wrong. My life had gotten away from me, and it has taken me a couple of years and very hard work to begin to get it back.
  What was I doing? I was  just  plowing ahead into a wondrous and somewhat insane life that many people told me was not only perfect, but was the stuff of their dreams.
  It was good for me in many ways. Wrote five books, all of them successful and well-received. I loved the farm, and learned so much about and from the animals here. And I didn’t even have to grow up.
  And I got the knowledge and inspiration for a series of novels and children’s books. But it was also a cautionary tale, as Hero’s Journeys often are. In classic mythology, the hero usually crashes and burns, and either is saved – or isn’t.
  It was way too much, on many levels, in many ways. I confronted a lot of things.
  This large staff is gone now, as are most of the animals.
  Anne still comes to tend her beloved gardens – they are hers more than mine – and it is one of the joys of my life to see this wonderful person tend to her flowers, as if they were children. I guess they are.
 And Sean still comes on his tractor to help control the pastures and gardens here, way too much for me on a mower.
  The farm is up for sale, and I know what I want. I want to share my life. It’s a simpler goal, realistic and attainable, I think.
  I want a place Maria and I can care for largely by ourselves.  I want a simple place with room to work, and to spread out my lenses. I want wood stoves. I want, as always, to live my life. She wants to live hers. Love is, in part, about selflessness. Somebody else has to be happy, too.
  I want a small number of animals I can know and care for. I want quiet and seclusion so I can think about my stories and write them well. And I want to expand this blog and my photography into a journal that reflects another chapter in my life. I want to write like a fiend.
  A beginning for sure, the start of something, not the end.
   Every morning I wake up and dedicate myself to this dream, and it is a powerful engine to pull me along. I have so much to look forward to.
  It has taken me a long time to know what I want, and I can’t say whether or not I will get it. There is space to cross between here and there. I am beginning have faith. Some nights I don’t.
 At night, when I still struggle to sleep sometimes, I think of this new place, and it slows my mind, quiets my soul.
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  Getting ready for the book tour, which opens up at Northshire Books August 21st, and then moves to the Crandall Public Library in Glens Falls. Izzy is getting ready for the tour. My dogs have different roles, and he is book tour dog. He is a pro.
 It is my fantasy to bring Frieda to one of the book signings. Maria is nervous about this, but I think she can handle it. We’ll see.
  Last year, when the book tour began, the country was in a panic, fueled to some degree by our hysterical hyper-media. Now, I hear a lot of sober talk, but little panic, and a sense thing are beginning to turn around. I will be listening for this on the tour. One of the great things about a book tour is that is pulls you out of yourself and into the world. Many people I know seem addicted to misery and bad news, and there is plenty of both.
  In the past year, I have seen so many good things – so much creativity, change and happiness, that I sometimes feel schizophrenic. Of course, there are both in the world. To some extent, it depends on what news you want to listen to.