People often tell me the thing they most love about dogs is unconditional love. I’ve thought a lot about unconditional love, and I don’t want it, from people or dogs. Unconditional love is meaningless to me, because it is given without condition, thus isn’t really love, but dependence.
If someone loves me, I expect it to be conditional. I have to deserve it. I have to be considerated, empathetic, encouraging, supportive. I have to do my share, think of the little things, ask myself every morning this question: “how can I earn this love?” I do it for my dogs, and I hope the people I love expect it of me. Love ought to be conditional, because that it when it is worth something.
Dogs are dependent creatures. They can’t leave or voluntarily move. They need us to like them in order for us to survive. I know my dogs are attached to me, but unconditional love? I don’t even know what it means.
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Two notes: As is obvious, I am considering a New Bedlam Farm. A place here in Washington County, with animals and a smaller, more manageable space. I don’t know of such a place, or have one in my sights, just my head. That would mean moving. I swore when I began this blog to be open, and so I am. For me, this is a beginning, not an end. It is not an issue of age or energy, but of focus and balance. I want to concentrate on my fiction, children’s books, dogs and photography, and Maria wants to focus on her art. That is enough for anybody, too much for some. The idea of selling the farm is intense for me, it is also clarifying, about where I am, who I am, and what I want to do.
I’ll keep you posted. Some people will not like this idea, but that is life. I can’t live life for the amusement of other people, only to fulfill myself and the people I love. I will be honest about it, as I have always tried to be here. I do not imagine a life without animals, space, photography or this blog, which is my daily expression of life.
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On August 8, Lenore will join Maria and I at the Poultney, Vt. Crafts Fair (actually held in East Poultney, just east of regular ol’ Poultney). I will be showing, perhaps selling, some of my “fine art” photographs and Maria will be showing her quilts. Lenore will be trawling for food and love. She will make you smile.