The sun came out for an hour today, and Lulu and the sheep appreciated it. Wet, cold, sloggy time.

December 2, 2008 – Sometimes I think that friendship is the suspension of mistrust and fear. To be a friend, you have to give of yourself. To receive friendship, you have to open yourself up.
  I’ve been reading a lot lately about the notion that relationships like friendships occur when people are ready. I think for much of my life I wasn’t ready, although I didn’t know that. I was too distracted to be a friend, perhaps too disturbed.
  Friendship is, of course, mutual. Somebody else has to be ready too. I see that friendships wane and rise, and some people understand that, some don’t. Friendships transcend disagreements, bad moods, misunderstandings. They are bounded, in that they have to go two ways to work.
 I reconnected recently with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time, and I apologized for my having turned away. “It isn’t a problem,” he said. “I knew you would be back when you were ready.” That is, I think, a friend.
  Increasingly, I think of friends as teachers. My friends all have something to offer. I have a close friend who, unlike me, understands the ways of the world, money, responsibility, problem-solving. How, I asked him one day, did he learn these things?
  From his father, he said. Aaah, I thought. I was not fortunate to be close to my father. We simply did not get one another, and his notion of me, oft-expressed, was that I was not living up to my potential. True, I’m sure, but we never could get together on the causes and solutions. I know he did his best.
 Over time, I have forgiven him this distance, and I wish I could tell him to his face. But one problem with our relationship is that I didn’t learn much from him, and he didn’t teach much. It is never too late.
  My friend thinks I am living up to my potential, and doing well, and he has taught me a lot about bypassing fear when it comes to problem solving and looking instead for answers and solutions.
  Quite an idea. I am the sort of person who thinks nothing of living on a farm in a blizzard but who panics at the thought of calling customer service, or at the sight of a bank statement. My friend is teaching me the pointlessness of panic.
  I have another friend who is deeply religious and who is unhappy with many of my decisions and positions. It is very satisfying to have a friend who is so different, but whose values are so strong and binding.
  My closest friends, I find, have values that transcend money or position. They cherish friendship itself, and understand the meaning of loyalty and commitment.